Think of me as A-leash in Wonderland.
You go through life being a cynic. You believe nothing can shake your faith in the unfaithful. You believe the warning signs do not apply to you, because, hey, you wrote most of them. You know what they are saying, and then some. So you carry on walking, regardless. You know how far to go right?
And then, you find the mirage. I mean THE mirage you believed couldnt exist. You do not believe your eyes. You feel this is what you have been looking for. You walk up to it, then incredulously touch it. Its real. Solid. Should you go inside? Or should you stay in the courtyard and bask in the sunlight and in the glory of the knowledge that the God you never believed in proved you wrong. So you lie in wait, almost expecting the edifice to vapourise.... waiting waiting... until you decide, what the heck, you are taking the chance.
I'm going in!
Then, you look for the door. There are none. Are there windows? There surely must be!! Oh yes, found one... left suspiciously open. Oh well, never mind. Its only open for me right? Only for me! Lets get inside. So you step in. Its for real. Everything you imagined. Here and now. You was right. It was not a dream.
Everything thing I saw in that vision long ago, and had given up hope for. Everything. Shall I stay here?
I think I will.
Tick tock tick tock. Hmmm. Time flies by. I get hungry, sleepy, tired. The joy of discovery wanes into the anxiousness of expectation. The window had opened into a room. It had doors. Real wooden doors. Time to try them. Open one... Oh no, its locked. Another one...thats locked too... the last one, AHA! Bingo...but wait... it leads outside!!
Hmmm. I gather my stuff, my paraglide, my sunglasses, my thoughts. The way out of here is the only way to go. But which way should I take? The window I came through of the door thats been shown to me? The I realise the only way to get back to the world I came from is the window. The door leads to another world.
So through the window I go, back the way I came. It was nice knowing the place exists. I also know once I leave it, I shall never find it again. Tough choice, but its made. A visit once is more than enough. I belong in my cave. This time, I shall not leave. The cynic lives.
Soup, anyone?
And then, you find the mirage. I mean THE mirage you believed couldnt exist. You do not believe your eyes. You feel this is what you have been looking for. You walk up to it, then incredulously touch it. Its real. Solid. Should you go inside? Or should you stay in the courtyard and bask in the sunlight and in the glory of the knowledge that the God you never believed in proved you wrong. So you lie in wait, almost expecting the edifice to vapourise.... waiting waiting... until you decide, what the heck, you are taking the chance.
I'm going in!
Then, you look for the door. There are none. Are there windows? There surely must be!! Oh yes, found one... left suspiciously open. Oh well, never mind. Its only open for me right? Only for me! Lets get inside. So you step in. Its for real. Everything you imagined. Here and now. You was right. It was not a dream.
Everything thing I saw in that vision long ago, and had given up hope for. Everything. Shall I stay here?
I think I will.
Tick tock tick tock. Hmmm. Time flies by. I get hungry, sleepy, tired. The joy of discovery wanes into the anxiousness of expectation. The window had opened into a room. It had doors. Real wooden doors. Time to try them. Open one... Oh no, its locked. Another one...thats locked too... the last one, AHA! Bingo...but wait... it leads outside!!
Hmmm. I gather my stuff, my paraglide, my sunglasses, my thoughts. The way out of here is the only way to go. But which way should I take? The window I came through of the door thats been shown to me? The I realise the only way to get back to the world I came from is the window. The door leads to another world.
So through the window I go, back the way I came. It was nice knowing the place exists. I also know once I leave it, I shall never find it again. Tough choice, but its made. A visit once is more than enough. I belong in my cave. This time, I shall not leave. The cynic lives.
Soup, anyone?
16 Responses to “Cynic Files v1.0”
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the more cryptic a disclosure is, the more disclosing it gets.
whats wrong with the place you found? is it the same "wrong" we'll find wherever we go or is it the place itself? is it the guests, or is it the hosts?
its gonna be fun knowing you,( if anyone will ever get to know you).
Hmmm. Interesting observation. Perfectly true of course.
Maybe the place was something I had been looking for too long. Maybe it was a desire I harboured which was a subconscious propellant in life. Maybe I got used to life as it was spent "looking for the place". Maybe that's who I want to be. The person who looks for the place. Not the person who finds it. Because the place makees you want to stay there. And a person like me got used to travelling, while I was looking for it. Ironic? Maybe. Haven't figured it out yet.
Knowing me? Tough job. I wish I did. Drop an e-mail riddhikaul@gmail.com if you'd care to talk more about people and places :)
Soup? Fine with me as long as it's not crab ;-). As for the place one finds and the travels one loves, at times the place is in itself a journey... After all, there are places that one trave;s and keeps travelling in...for nothing and nowhere is seen in a single glance.... A stay is desired at times purely for the journey itself...
*scratches head* * scratches head again* *looks around* err.. complicated post... I guess not coz of endterms. Honestly couldnt make the head or tail out of it.
Hi,
Well actually found your blog through orkut.And you in the IIML community.Was just going through the community for some kick with my CAT preparation.Hopefully the RC passage this time wouldn't be as tough to crack.Cannot comprehend this one at all :(
obscure..couldnt follow
Nice stuff. Especially the observations on living examples of things best left unsaid. Much appreciated. :)
Despite being chronically cynical, I couldn't have made head or tail of your post, had there not been your clear plain-vanilla-english reply to non-humble.I bow to your cynicism.
PS- I liked Tick tock tick tock. :)
there is a difference, howsoever small, between being cynical and deing disillusioned. what side are you on ?
It's like screaming at the top of your voice in an empty room.
Everything echoes but at the end of the day, you just have to shut up to let the echoes die down.
Never been on your blog before... But I hope you will recognize the wierdo making the comment.
Nice post. This place, I guess, is a figment of our own mind and can be created and savoured in its pristine beauty anytime we really long for it.
interesting and profound, the faithless also have faith they say n journey is the reward. If ur not self actualized lady its simply because you want to convince urself desperately this is the place u want to be, but a part of you doesnt agree with it. This is the eternal conflict and when u do get the place u want, u would stop n stay there :)
hmmm.
thats your opinion.
Interesting also that u feel sleepy n tired. Clearly if this were the place u wldnt hv sucha conflict of emotions. If it were truly a blissful place then u wld want the bliss to continue and not get saturated by it! ( My take!) This is certainly a place, a turn, a local maximum should i say, so u stop n wonder, is this what i am looking for ??? but truly u wld know whn u reach the global maximum :) ( My take!)
yup my exams over today n i am free n vela for a few dayz!
cheers bye! ( its MY opinion totally not a judgement since i dont pass it on anyone)
It wasnt abt getting to a real place... that was a metaphor :)
But I see what you mean. It was about life and how I want to live it:)
hmmm....nice.