Have you read anything on ethical dilemmas? Rushworth M Kidder's book makes for a gripping read. You will soon find yourself in the book. It talks of ethical dilemmas of the worst kind : when both the choices you are facing turn out to "right" in some way, and not doing either of them is "wrong" in some way. Sadly, the choices are mutually exclusive. This happens when two of your core values clash. Pretty grim situation.

The title of this post was taken from an anonymous commenter on the last post. That comment of course cannot be seen on the weblog because it happens to be unethical to write anonymously, especially when one wants to be critical.[yeah yeah, the same dope we got about how not to be a coward when we were kids... I just happened to believe it :)].

I was wondering why I moderated out that comment. It was critical, yes, but was that the reason? I was wondering for a long time, and I came to the conclusion that I would have let the comment stay, if it had come with a name tag on it. I am sure I would have [no, this is not a subtle message to my dear anonymous friend]. I really wish the commenter had left a name, anyway. Thats because the content was really interesting. It was, co-incidentally, a paradox in itself(more on that in a moment), and it may have been amusing to analyse it. It alluded to events in my life sometime ago, I assumed. It accused me of doing something unethical (which by the way I have strong notions about) and it just might have been interesting to talk to the bloke about it. Simply because, the person talked of the ethics of "right" and "wrong" wherein his (wilfully perhaps) concept of "right" was incomplete.

Have I been suitably vague till now? Well, I'm obviously trying to avoid mentioning the exact incident :). Privacy is one reason, but a more compelling reason is that it is immaterial. The incident was, at its core, the proverbial ethical dilemma. It was a time when I had to make an extremely difficult choice. I had my reasons. I had been wronged. What I was about to do, was a drastic step. Therefore I had spent a good few months thinking about it. It was not an easy decision, but I took a the step. The result... total chaos. For a while. After the dust settled (is the analogy too dramatic? Perhaps)with each and every passing day I realised that I had done right. For a while, there was a guilt conscience that made life difficult. But then due to other unfortunate events (which I now see as extremely fortunate) I saw that I did not need to feel guilty.

The point of the matter, the core dilemma I talked, about essentially boiled down to this : Someone was being extermely mean to me. Over a long period of time. So much so that it is impossible to live normally. Normally being the scenario where you are at peace with yourself. You can ignore it for a while, because you think the other person is your friend. The shocker actually comes when you realise that they are not. So now you are left facing two choices...be a silent sufferer or do something about it, which essentially involves being mean to the other person. I, being brought up in an environment where there is stress on individualism and liberty, chose the latter. A different person may have done differently.

Anyway, coming back to the paradox of the comment : It focused on the mean behaviour on my part only. The anonymous person left out the events which had gone by before the event he was refering to. Perhaps its not his fault. Perhaps because he does not know them. Perhaps because I respected the dignity and privacy of the other individual involved by not publicising my "side"(this is sounding more and more like a war :P). Which by the way, the other individual did not. Maybe their ethics are different (or absent?). I do not know.

To my dear anonymous disgruntled commenter : Do come up for an enlightening discussion sometime. Maybe we can learn from each other. Like they say, its not a zero-sum game (Im using that expression more and more by the way :P). From what you said, you have drawn a conclusion from incomplete information. If it bothers you so much that you cast your identity aside(bad bad thing!), maybe I should put your anxiety to rest. And you can re-evaluate the situation :)

To general audience: Do go through the link I provided, if you have not read this book ever before. The link generously provides a preview of the book, in the form of the complete reproduction of Chapter One, which is enough to get you thinking.